Arg! Darn, oh bother, and WTF! Okay, we have vented our frustration, now we may proceed with an orderly review of The Phoenix Conspiracy (TPC) by Richard L. Sanders, narrated by Matthew Ebel [who has no middle name, we presuppose]. TPC received a very late WSRH. We were into Episode 10 or 11 when the podcast took the torpedo a-midships and sank into the abyss of ignobility. We were rather stunned when we found that Mr. L. Sanders made us reach-up and first hit the stop, and then the delete icon, so far into the book. Why, good sir, did you so force our hand?
Competent fiction writing involves but a few key elements. The aspiring author must have a story to tell, a plot to carry that story passsably, credible characters, and an ending which does not suck. Naturally, great fiction excels at all these components, but we're just talking about competent fiction here - the kind which would receive a C+ from the teacher. It was one of these torpedoes which done-in TPC. First, there was much to speak well for TPC, aspects which lead us into the bowels of the book. We were, as implied, assuming we'd finish the book and were blind-sided by the fatal implosion. On the plus side, Mr. Ebel proved to be a journeyman voice actor. We were initially off-put but the hissy, high pitched quality of the production, but quickly learned to ignore this flaw. Mr. Ebel has an unspectacular voice, but his characterizations were well thought out and very consistent. Strong work, Mr. Ebel. In TPC, we also loved the 1950's space-opera genre. Very nostalgic, very inviting. Though TPC was probably only going to score in the 40-50 range had the dreaded WSRH not fallen, TPC was entertaining and acceptably engineered.
Okay, why the WSRH? Mr. L. Sanders made one too many errors in the plot. This is, unfortunately, not an uncommon flaw among authors who never quite make-the-grade. Without revealing too many spoilers, should you choose to listen-in anyway, we will paint a picture of the death-giving gaffs. First, a ship's captain commanding a ship-of-the-line in combat with an addiction issue? Hum. And this lunk-head never remembers to put his illegal narcotic away, perennially leaving in plain site? Again, hum. And the ship's doctor is his dealer? Double hum. But, we did not WSRH these soft-spots, we just groaned and bore-it. Then, the same ship's captain ignores orders to discontinue his personal-interest driven investigation during a war-footing and commandeers his ship on a private quest? Ah, wait, that's mutiny, treason, and desertion all rolled into one! You know, the kind of nasty things they hang you for. Really? Ya think a military officer would risk brutal exicution to sate his curiosity? Yet, still we read-on, daunted but not detered.
The coup-de-grace concerned the "strong" female character, the ship's Executive Officer, or XO. Mr L. Sanders went well out of his way to construct a hyper-rigid, by-the-book military officer in this XO. She was stern and inflexible to an annoying and unrealistic extent, but, hey, L. Sanders is the author so there she was. Then, when the XO decides (based on one episode) to topple the captain from command, she slips into something slinky and pseudo-seduces him? She injects chloral hydrate into a full bottle of wine, fills her mouth with it, and literally forces it down the captain's throat while swallowing neigh a drop herself, and Cap passes out like a rag-doll dropped? All this, again, on a war-footing in a combat zone? Wow, we mean, wow! There are so many things wrong with that scene!! So many WTF's that... WSRH
Look, chloral hydrate, famous as a "mickey-fin", is used to knock someone out so you can shanghai or date-rape them - whatever. If an adult takes 500 milligrams, they will fall asleep in about half an hour - longer if "stimulated" (as in, oh we don't know, say about to have sexual abandon with the most beautiful woman you've ever seen). So, if she spit a mouthful, approximately 20 milliters into his mouth, the wine-solution would need to have 25 mg/ml of drug, minimum. The XO would have had to inject 40 milliters into the 750 ml bottle. That means the bottle was holding 790 mls, which it cannot, so, since she did not remove the cork, it is impossible. Plus, no way she would not swallow some herself. If she had mixed such a high concentration, even a small volume would lay her out too. Plus, she's a hyper-rigid military officer. Now, durning a war-time period, she willfully and knowingly commits assault, battery, unlawful imprisonment in the form of sedation, the dissabling of a superior and commanding officer on a combat mission, in effect mutany, and then either burglary after he passes out if she serches his quarters or entrapment if she turns him in for drunk and disorderly? If the XO was very lucky, she'd only be stripped of her rank and imprisoned for twenty years, even if she proved the captain was an addict and insubordinate. We picture the JAG investigator questioning the XO as Cappie is haul-off in chains. "SO, XO, how exactly was it that you were able to search the captains' quarters? Were you romantically involved?" "Ah, no, I mean, not as such." So, if I may, how were you able to discover the drugs?" "Well, I jumped to a quick conclusion, played slap-and-tickle just long enough to incapacitate him, then rifled his room." With a smile, she proclaim, "It only took me a minute to crack his government issued safe, you know, where secret orders are stored. Oh, and I found these girly magazines and these computer-inhanced photos of the women's locker room on Deck Five taken right after the girl's volleyball playoffs. Look what that girl is doing in the shower! She' next on my hit-list, the dirty slut!"
Realistically, she'd be hanged. Really really, this stick-up-the-butt duty-driven-by-the-book officer does all that on a hunch, on a whim... ever in the first place. What a sloppy job of officer vetting they do in the future. Two ship's captains and one XO all needing to be executed in such a brief moment in time. Everyone in command or medically trained if morally bereft and in need of euthanasia. The future, it seems to us, is not very bright.
WSRH, nuf said
Honest, no seriously, honest reviews of podcasts on Podiobook.com, plus a few non-PB.com notables. We can save you time avoiding lesser podcasts and target you to the greats.
What's The Blog About, Alfie?
We are avid fans of literature, good literature. We prefer great writing, we'll settle for very good work, but we cannot abide anything less. We will stop reading a book if the author demonstrates mediocrity, writes incompetently, or, worse yet, simply loses our interest. That said, we will always give you our honest opinions about the books we've listened to on Podiobooks.com. We'll tell you why the great ones are great, and why the forgettable ones should be avoided.
We hope, when we've reviewed enough, you will come to this blog to see if a particular book is worthy of your time. We plan to be frank. You have come here to elicit our opinion and we shall not disappoint. Additionally, we hope this blog becomes a resource for PB.com authors to read honest and objective reviews of their efforts; no smoke blown-up the butt at any time. We have observed over time that reviews left on an author's site or iTunes are basically of two types. The first is the pie-eyed-hyperbolic-praise version of a review by a real fan. While excellent for the ego of said author, this form of assessment aids neither the potential listener nor the writer's development. The second type is the snarky-hit-and-run-slap-in-the-face negative review which may contain the kernel of an insight, but is actually significantly less valuable than the first type. Ours will be decidedly neither polar extreme. We will be as fair and complete as possible. An unavoidable off-shoot, indeed a desirable off-shoot, the clever reader will quickly appreciate is that we will undoubtably be squewering a few sacred-cows. If that happens, please keep in mind the fable of The Emporer's New Clothes and the fact that we would not review them in a less-than-stellar manner if they did not deserve it.
Our reviews are not placed on PB.com, iTunes, or any other public site. We do not wish to embarrass or ridicule any particular authors. Many of the authors are our friends, or at least were up till they read our review. We dearly appreciate that each PB.com author has poured their creative guts out for all to see with very little chance of monetary reward. This is not easy. We will not generally say anything but positives on public sites as we, in our alter ego, want the authors, even the poor ones, to have their moment in the bright-shiny sun. At the very least we want them to be happy little fish in their little ponds.
Finally a term defined, a dreaded term, one you wish never to see, one which strikes despair in the heart of any author - WSRH. This is short for "We Stopped Reading Here". Background. Our less than sainted father was a college English professor. When grading essays and term papers, especially freshman courses, we observed him many a cruel time to slash across the page with his red pen. Just below the horrific line, he would write, "I stopped reading here... F." Clearly, papa was a professor, not an editor, so he was an I while we are, well, a we. Hence, ISRH transforms into WSRH. However you begin it, it is not a good thing. Avoid writing something which earns WSRH, you will not be happy with yourself.
Your comments on our comments are most welcome. You may be as frank as we are. Contrary opinions, supported by rational argument not finger-wagging, will help the prospective PB.com readers find the books which are right for them. Bottom line: our comments plus your comments, along with author rebuttals, will in the end benefit us all, and help PB.com listeners choose wisely.
Based on the success of this blog, we have started a Forum where you can share your insights and reviews. The more information and discussion, the better informed we will all be.
We hope, when we've reviewed enough, you will come to this blog to see if a particular book is worthy of your time. We plan to be frank. You have come here to elicit our opinion and we shall not disappoint. Additionally, we hope this blog becomes a resource for PB.com authors to read honest and objective reviews of their efforts; no smoke blown-up the butt at any time. We have observed over time that reviews left on an author's site or iTunes are basically of two types. The first is the pie-eyed-hyperbolic-praise version of a review by a real fan. While excellent for the ego of said author, this form of assessment aids neither the potential listener nor the writer's development. The second type is the snarky-hit-and-run-slap-in-the-face negative review which may contain the kernel of an insight, but is actually significantly less valuable than the first type. Ours will be decidedly neither polar extreme. We will be as fair and complete as possible. An unavoidable off-shoot, indeed a desirable off-shoot, the clever reader will quickly appreciate is that we will undoubtably be squewering a few sacred-cows. If that happens, please keep in mind the fable of The Emporer's New Clothes and the fact that we would not review them in a less-than-stellar manner if they did not deserve it.
Our reviews are not placed on PB.com, iTunes, or any other public site. We do not wish to embarrass or ridicule any particular authors. Many of the authors are our friends, or at least were up till they read our review. We dearly appreciate that each PB.com author has poured their creative guts out for all to see with very little chance of monetary reward. This is not easy. We will not generally say anything but positives on public sites as we, in our alter ego, want the authors, even the poor ones, to have their moment in the bright-shiny sun. At the very least we want them to be happy little fish in their little ponds.
Finally a term defined, a dreaded term, one you wish never to see, one which strikes despair in the heart of any author - WSRH. This is short for "We Stopped Reading Here". Background. Our less than sainted father was a college English professor. When grading essays and term papers, especially freshman courses, we observed him many a cruel time to slash across the page with his red pen. Just below the horrific line, he would write, "I stopped reading here... F." Clearly, papa was a professor, not an editor, so he was an I while we are, well, a we. Hence, ISRH transforms into WSRH. However you begin it, it is not a good thing. Avoid writing something which earns WSRH, you will not be happy with yourself.
Your comments on our comments are most welcome. You may be as frank as we are. Contrary opinions, supported by rational argument not finger-wagging, will help the prospective PB.com readers find the books which are right for them. Bottom line: our comments plus your comments, along with author rebuttals, will in the end benefit us all, and help PB.com listeners choose wisely.
Based on the success of this blog, we have started a Forum where you can share your insights and reviews. The more information and discussion, the better informed we will all be.
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