Youth-In-Asia: WSRH Reviews of Arnand Ptolemy and Teruvisa

We will be brief.  There is little to say about these two very new PB.com releases.  They are WSRH's.  We regret the few moments we spent hearing them.


Armand Ptolemy and the Golden Aleph by Mark Jeffery.  Mark, you should know better.  The sound quality is horrible.  The narration is worse.  If you do not show any respect for you prospective listeners, you should expect none in return.  The narration is a story told by a campfire.  When Mr. Jeffery stammers, he leaves it in.  When he aborts a line and redoes it, he leaves it in.  All in all it sounds like the podcast was produced on the subway during rush hour and the narrator was under tremendous time pressure.  The policeman swears excessively and gratuitously.  The story, well the 10 minutes we listened to, promised to be far-fetched, unrealistic - maybe silly -  and certainly uninspiring.  Policemen's bodies exploding when crushed between floating slabs of rock?  Really?  Nice visual, Mark.  Floating multi-ton rocks?  At least it's an original concept....

Teruvisa: Two Kingdoms by Gentry Winn.  Gentry, as opposed to Mark, it would have been nice if you'd known better, but at least you're a newbie.  We only lasted 3-4 minutes with this podcast.  The recoding/production quality is just too awful.  There seems to be many many episodes following, and the thought of experiencing that poor an audio was just about enough to halt us in our tracks.  The sliver of story we heard was the coup de grace.  Norseman magically slinging spit and leaping from Never Never Land to Riverside, California, where the magical dwarfs, like live?  Wow.  WSRH.  But seriously, it was the sound which did you in.  There is a Mentorship Forum attached to PB.com where expert advise is freely meeted-out.  Why skip that crucial step.

Union Of Renegades - Revolt Against This One

As we have been forced to admit often and anon, we are nit-pickers and we often do not much fancy ourselves.  We mean, what if we are gratuitously picking at nit?  Hum?  Well we don't know if such a thing is possible either - but there it is.  Anyway, to our point, which we do indeed have.
  It is with inconstant conviction that we must confess the Union of Renegades: The Rys Chronicles Book I (UOR) by Tracy Falbe has slipped quietly into a coma and we have hence removed it from listening-support.  In other words - WSRH.  The axe fell later in the story than most, around episode 15.  Only The Leviathan Chronicles earned a WSRH later (say, perchance we are not chronicle lovers?  Nah, silly coincidence).  In common, both have some sparkling qualities which make they somewhat compelling.  They both share outstanding production.  They both failed in the story, which, as we harp-on time and again, needs be the real magic.
  Ms. Falbe employed Dark Fire Productions and their near-incomparable Chris Snelgrove to do the job.  Aside from Chris's annoying rendition of a French Canadian accent for two female characters (seriously, Chris, we need to talk) he is his usual fantastic.  The WSRH would have been assigned had we read the book directly, most assuredly.  As always, we wish to illustrate our issues, not merely sling-mud.  The writing issues are both global and specific, and despite some attractive aspects of the book.  For example, we commend Ms. Falbe on her imagination and unique insights.  The story is diverse and the action complex.  She demonstrates empathy for her characters - aside, lamentably, from the male lead.
  Global issues are the construct of a plot based (we extrapolate from 15 episodes experience) on cooperation and 'union' between god-like magical beings and very pedestrian mortals.  In the battle for Heaven, God and his angels did not call on man to form an alliance to defeat evil.  Why would they?  We would have brought veritable zero to the table.  The same flaw barks-out at us in UOR.
  When we say there are specific issues we, in the final assessment, could not overlook were, in essence, the lead male.  He needed a lot of work to rise to the level of acceptable - passable.  His fatal flaw is the he whines incessantly.  If we wish to experience whiners, we need only go to work.  They are there unavoidable.  We do not relish spending our leisure time re-experiencing them.   Examples.  He gets pissed at his boss and quits at the worse of times because he is essentially an idiot and over-reacts.  His girl friend is trapped on an ice mountain and scheduled to expire asap and he whines that he will not attempt a rescue until the children - who are safe in a nice castle - come too.  He is told it is unsafe and imprudent to visit the girl friend when they first arrive at the castle.  Instead of adhering to good advice from a supportive ally, he whines, that he wants to go to her.  Oh yes, whining abounds.
  Also, the male lead displays uncanny and consistently imbecilic decision-making.  They flee into the wilderness.  They are assaulted by ravenous wolves and horrific monsters yet they press-ahead in lieu of a wise retreat (no, Trac, even before the evil queen warped their minds and stole the child - even before that).  His arguing with his new buddy about not rescuing his damsel in distress unless the kids come climb the mountain too.  At most times, the lead's dialogue - his manner of speech - is stilted and unrealistic.  People don't talk like he does and it detracts from the character's credibility.  Other flaws abound,  Why would the queen go to all the trouble of having said girl friend hauled-off to a mountain top to freeze to death when she could snap her fingers and the girl would burst into flames.  It the tiresome old plot twist of setting up a death scenario in which if the villain had only just done the deed no escape would have been possible.  Remember Batman and how he always extricated himself because the arch-villain left the scene too soon?  Oh, and the cover.  Ms. Falbe, a successful novel cannot be fronted with a picture of your neighbor on his way to a Ren-Faire.  We notice subsequent covers are quite nice.  Why start the series with the weakest cover?
  Okay, enough said.  We admire anyone with the conviction and insight to pen a work of fiction.  We specifically admire Ms. Falbe's efforts.  They do not fall too short of passable and she will doubtlessly improve.  Hopefully that improvement will be offered in a series other than UOR sequels, as we are out in terms of that series.  Even if Book II were brilliant, if we cannot get through Book I we would be in the dark, right?  As we say, we are not here to impugn or pick-on Ms. Falbe.  We simply, as always, wish only to offer our opinion in the for-what-it's-worth category while supplying specific examples.  As a podcast, most listeners will enjoy it as it is so well produced and the story is, as we said, not too far off the mark.  We, however, are not most listeners.

The Emperor's Edge - Reigns Well Over Our Hearts and Minds

  Well, finally!  After a depressingly long spell of WSRH's, we have a winner!  The Emperor's Edge (TEE) by Lindsay Buroker is a PB.com supplicant well worth your time ( yes, we do know how you should best spend your time - we are so very clever!).
  The novel is what we would classify as fantasy.  Ms Buroker adds the tag 'steampunk' and though we will technically grant her that, it is a minimal facet to the opus.  Delete a few steam trucks and trolleys, present without much relevance, and you have a standard format fantasy - magic, swords, good vs evil, and tense interpersonal character development.  The novel is a very well executed and the author is to be commended.  Here is her blurb:


Imperial law enforcer Amaranthe Lokdon is good at her job: she can deter thieves and pacify thugs, if not with a blade, then by toppling an eight-foot pile of coffee canisters onto their heads. But when ravaged bodies show up on the waterfront, an arson covers up human sacrifices, and a powerful business coalition plots to kill the emperor, she feels a tad overwhelmed.
Worse, Sicarius, the empire’s most notorious assassin is in town. He’s tied in with the chaos somehow, but Amaranthe would be a fool to cross his path. Unfortunately, her superiors order her to hunt him down. Either they have an unprecedented belief in her skills… or someone wants her dead.


NARRATION & EDITING/TECHNICALS: These two usually separate categories are combined as Ms. Buroker has enlisted the help of Dark Fire Productions and their Starla Huchton to produce this podcast.  Subsequently, they can be considered as one element.  In short, the production is nothing short of perfect.  We have long been a fan of Ms. Huchton's smooth, silky (yes, a bit sultry too we must lasciviously append) voice.  She is at her top-notch best in TEE.  Well paced, well emoted, and outstanding character differentiation.  Dark Fire's technical chops are a joy to behold.  Great sound quality, excellent music integration, and totally seamless editing.  This combined group garners a full 40.

ORIGINALITY OF STORY:  Fresh and well conceived, which are good things.  In creating works of mainstream fantasy, author's are hard-pressed to be original - to invent novel takes and develop new angles.  We are SOOO totally over cute-little hobbits and nasty-old trolls, bitchy sorceresses and - we cannot even bring ourselves to type the word - you know, the "V" creatures who lap-up voluminous quantities of hemoglobin-rich bodily fluids.  Yes, them - shudder.  Anyway, where were we (in fact where ARE we?)?  Oh yes, originality.  Ms. Buroker presents us with a new world, free from stock-elements and cliches.  It is set in winter, women run business, she mixes greed with power-lust - always a winning ticket - and does not resurrect any tired-stock elements to advance the plot.  That all said, it is still a fairly straight-forward world she creates and the players are equally notwithstanding being well developed are nonetheless fairly rote.  We will dispense an 14 for this element.

QUALITY OF WRITING: As we always harp-upon, this category is really where the money is at (we know, sloppy metaphor, but we are not responsible for the quality of the idioms American English embraces).  We are rating podcasts on this blog, not novels, so weighting is balanced, but this is where the magic happens or where it goes to perish.  As a work of fiction, TEE is written well.  Protagonists are likable, antagonists are somewhat complex, and ancillary cast members are credible.  The prose is well above average and the flow is most pleasant.  Off-elements are, unfortunately present also.  The lead character, Amaranthe, is painted with depth and consistency.  She is, however, too damnably clever.  She wiggles her way out of any number of impossible scenarios with increasing predictability.  It grows burdensome.  Examples are illustrative.  Amaranthe wishes to reconcile with a gang-boss old friend.  She and her companion are thrown into a steel pit with ravenous metal machinations designed to ribbonize them.  There can be no escape!  But, of course there is.  But to make the scene work, the evil-doers of course go off to resume their busy days so as to not be present to witness the completion of the dismemberment of the guests.  If only they had stayed to make certain all the slicing and dicing were completed.  Wait, it's like Batman.  Remember, the Joker or Penguin would line-him up for a dastardly fate, then step-out for a smoke and Batman would escape just in the nick of time?  Or Goldfinger leaving before James Bond was laserly parted down the middle, groin up?  Why oh why don't the forces of evil ever learn?  All of us horror-fans have learned NEVER to back into a dark room alone.  Why can't villains stay till the axe falls - literally?  Well, we guess if your job-options are dark overlord you must have some issues, right?  But we digress - nauseatingly in fact.  So, in terms of a written work of fiction, we will assign Ms. Buroker 14 points - well above average but well below Bradbury (but who isn't?).

WOW FACTOR:  The most subjective of the 20 points possible, we hope to be fair, and not miss-rate based on apple/orange issues.  That said, this podcast is wow-worthy.  State-of-the-art production, fresh story, and delicious characters combine to make this as treasured addition to the ranks of podcasts.  While somewhat short of causing us to brake the car and pull over to hear the next few lines, TEE pulls-in a solid 17 wowies.

EXTRA CREDIT: We will disburse 3 points for wow, based on Starla and Dark Fire's outstanding contribution.  A beautiful thing is, in the end, a beautiful thing.

TOTAL:  88!  A very solid debut for TEE and Ms. Broker.  So, Lindsay, stop reading this touchy-feely review and get crackin' to supply volume II.....

Lindsay Broker's website: http://www.lindsayburoker.com/fantasy-novels/the-emperors-edge-a-high-fantasy-novel-in-an-era-of-steam/