We're Just Sayin'

So the finalists for the Parsec Awards are out.  We wish outstanding luck to those who deserve to be there.  We notice without glee that one of the founders of the Parsec Awards, Mur Lafferty, is up for three awards, and this year, again, Scott Sigler is up for a do-over of an old podcast - perchance a tired old podcast.  Hummmmmm.... 

Cambridge Online Dictionary defines:

award-winning

Definition

"having won a prize or prizes for being of high quality or very skilled."

Hummmmmmm...   we're just sayin'.....................

Eternity - Not In It For The Long Run

  Sometimes we wish we were not so goldarn picky.  Really, why so fussy, Anonymous?  Ah well, one cannot cast-off one's nature, can one?  So, it is with a truly heavy heart we must WSRH this interesting podcast.  We are confident any number of potential listeners would love this podcast, so please feel free to judge for yourself.  The pluses, Mr, Townsend does a crafty solo-read narration, with nice voice modulation without getting silly (see review for Edit Zero).  There is plenty of action - action action action.  The lead characters are interesting, if not complex.  What turned us off was the comic book feel of the writing.  There were too numerous to count examples of unrealistic action, bravado, and dialogue.  A man jumps from a roof to catch another flying away on a personal-aircraft and just barely grabs a foot - thus avoiding a nasty pitfall - and kills the flyer, dons the suit and saves the day.  'Nuff said for credibility.  Oh, we cannot help ourselves - the highly advanced evil-empire has bred super-size pigs to defend themselves in a pinch.  No relying on lasers and robots and nano-tech for these fellows - no, they have super-hogs.  Okay, now 'nuff said.  But seriously, if hyperbole is your cup of tea, and significantly larger than life drama is your fancy, this is an excellent podcast.

Spirit Blade - A Spiritless WSRH

We are disillusioned.  This time it is not simply with the paucity of quality podiobooks, but with us.  We fear we are appearing to you, our beloved and devoted reader, as negative-Nellies.  But, as our good friend Bill Shakespeare reminds us often, the fault lies not in ourselves but in our podiobooks  [okay, Mr. or Ms. Picky-Picky the quote is: “The fault, dear Brutus, lies not in our stars, but in ourselves if we are underlings.” from Julius Caesar, but our paraphrase was witty, which counts for something].
Back to point.  We must pass-along our latest WSRH.  This one pulls this dreaded label onto itself for the usual reasons, plus an honestly haunting one which we are pained - truly pained - to have to announce.  Spirit Blade (SB) is apparently a "cinematically" produced audiodrama one must purchase to enjoy.  The website is http://www.spiritblade.net/ .  Before, good friend, you go there and invest in a copy, please complete the reading of this post - then decide.  The plot hook was interesting enough, sort of.  The Christian Bible translated into an action adventure.  Man versus demons, God and the fallen, big guns and swords - the typical teenage boy genre, but inoffensively - at first.  To cut-to-the-chase, as even we, the loquacious one, do not wish to draw this out.  We desire not to speak in excess on a topic which is not worth the investment of too much time.  We listened to many episodes before bailing.  We were off-put by the preachy-preachy-preachy writing.  The action was unrealistic - clever raillery during mortal combat - that type of drivel.  We were formulating the necessity to dispense a WSRH for those elements alone, when a truly darker, and hopefully incorrect impression struck us.  The author seemed to be advancing a very bigoted and exclusionary theological lesson in the story.  In fact, we are certain he was.  Religion is integral the the human experience.  We are piously religious ourselves.  Religious intolerance, dogmatism, and rejection of all other religions is, however, in a word, offensive.  The proof of our contention is simple, powerful, and irrefutable.  When the thousands of fanatics who assault the human spirit and belittle themselves with their ignorance blab their venom and condem all others to Hell, we remember Isaiah 55:8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways, declares the LORD."  We reject out-of-hand anyone's opinion when their delusions extend to knowing the will and the ways of God.  The Beatles said it completely: "Love is the answer."  In the immortal words of Sergeant Hulka, spoken in the sacred text of Stripes: " Lighten-up, Francis."  'Nuff said.

Marco and the Red Granny - Just On The Mark

After another considerable drought, we can finally at least RATE a PB podcast!  We are rather discontent that the hiatus between ratable podcasts is so voluminous, but really, what can we do - we simply read and rate?

Marco and the Red Granny (MRG) comes to us from podcasting legend Mur Lafferty.  She is both prolific and respected, not an easy combination, so we were not certain what to expect.  We could be more impressed, but the story has it's moments, we finished it willingly, and it deserves a review.

Here is the author's blurb:

By bringing back the patronage system, a new alien species has transformed the moon into the new artistic center of the universe, and Sally Ride Lunar Base soon gains the nickname “Mollywood.” These aliens can do amazing things with art and the senses, allowing a painting, for example, to stimulate other senses than simply sight. When someone asks a starlet, “Who are you wearing?” she could as easily say “J.K. Rowling” as she could “Gucci.”

Every creative person in the world wishes for a patronage. It’s quite competitive.

Marco wanted one, once. But then his girlfriend got one and shuttled off to Mollywood for fame and fortune, and Marco stayed home, waiting for his own patron. After several years, he gave up entirely. His career faltered. His agent dumped him. And then, one morning, he gets a call. At last he has a patron, at last the aliens want him. But he’s about to find out that an artistic patronage isn’t what it was in the good old days, and that the only friend he’s made, a tiny old woman who’s the star of a blood sports reality series called The Most Dangerous Game, has secrets of her own.

NARRATION:  Ms. Lafferty chose to have this read by one Devo Spice, in lieu of acting it herself.  Mr Spice did a good job, rather right-down-the-middle, we estimate.  His voice is pleasant and his reading confident.  Male/female modulations were done well, if not inspiringly so, as were the variations of male-to-male characters.  A British accent was adequate.  We say "read" intentionally, because there was no evidence of "voice acting" or even "narration" - Mr Spice read the novella.  Nothing objectionable, but nothing to beat-the-drum concerning, either.  In this day of flashy audiodrama and stellar effects full-cast podcasts, MRG is pedestrian.  A straight-read (as this style is know as) can be wonderful.  Nathan Lowell.  That is all that needs to be said to prove a straight-read can be a thing of beauty.  If 20 is perfect - Murder at Avedon Hill/Chasing the Bard perfect -  and 0 is the harpy screeching, MRG pulls in a 10.

EDITING/TECHNICALS:  Here again, the podcast is good, but far from impressive.  The overall sound quality is - you guessed it - good.  MRG suffers from loose editing, and, unfortunately, we do mean suffers.  There were innumerable "deep breaths" Mr Spice took which would be trivially easy to snip-out, but they were left in.  Why we cannot say.  There were some awkward gaps or late cues too, which suggested a quick-once-over edit as opposed to a commitment to get it right.  Maybe we are too fussy.  In any case MRG garners another 10 here.

ORIGINALITY OF STORY:  Thankfully, our little tour-group here is back on considerably thicker ice.  Ms Lafferty has displayed out-of-the-box imagination before in her career, and does so again.  She graciously tells us at the beginning of the podcast from whence she took her inspiration.  Fascinating.  An alien race possibly helping, possibly enslaving humankind.  Multiple senses are combined so the toaster can make one happy, or your coat and feel like Mom's hug.  Ms Lafferty leans heavily on a stock-and-trade reality game as a central plot-hook, which detracts by its banality, but there are original takes on "what if", so we must award 18 points here.

QUALITY OF WRITING:  That scraping sound you hear is the scraping of our feet, which we do so uneasily.  Our purpose, honestly and above all, is to fairly review a book.  We do not offer-up this podcast to position ourselves to snark and poke.  But, as we have stated time and again, we are sticklers for writing.  The authored word is a sacred thing, or at least should be held as one.  That said, this novella is, again, right-down-the-middle in this category, again.  We love Ms Lafferty's ability to come-up with fresh metaphors/similes and the general takes of her expression.  She is clever and it shows.  Subtle humor is laced-in enjoyably.  There is no gratuitous violence, cheap-shot sex, or other common fault.  On the other hand, the sophistication of Ms Laffert's writing is inapparent in MRG.  The story is told like she was sitting around a campfire with us, without a sense of craftsmanship.  And there are the WFT's.  The reality game involves volunteers killing each other, okay.  But many competitors are thrown-in as an execution.  Okay, the aliens might be so inclined, but there would be repercussions from the human governments, right?  Wrong in MRG.  The protagonist is simply too whiny to believe - no one pisses and moans so often and so annoyingly and leads a story we are going to admire.  The logic used to define and mix-in the Alcoholics Guild was shaky, at best.  The hero draws a pattern on the ground he can't see, and we were not certain he knew what he was even drawing, during mortal combat?  Hummm...  Unfortunately, we detected the common error of a writer with a great idea, an interesting beginning, but a weak middle and a poorly constructed ending.  Overall, being as generous as is fair, we dispense 13 points here (though 10 might be more objective).

WOW FACTOR:  Again we hate to appear churl, and we did enjoy MRG enough to complete it, we must be the bad-guy here, again.  The only wow factor is Ms Lafferty's imagination and freedom of expression.  The originality of her concept is laudable, but the follow-though was weak.  We can see maybe a 5 for wow.

TOTAL:  Grand total: 56.  We know, that sounds bad, like an "F", but it is not.  Yes this is the lowest total score we've awarded, but we awarded it.  Many a podcast received an ignominious WSRH, and many more won only the silence of the tomb for their efforts.  This is a worth while podcast.  MRG is simply what it is - a straight forward tale told adequately and written well enough to allow a critical reader to finish - nothing more - nothing less.

The podcast link is http://www.podiobooks.com/title/marco-and-the-red-granny

and Mur Lafferty's home appears to be: http://murverse.com/

Parsec Time - 2011

We will place here our assessments of some non-Podiobook.com podcasts.  It is Parsec nomination and voting time, and we are ourselves sorting though the chaff, hoping to find wheat, amongst the nominees in various categories.  The hypothesis is that so excellent podcast novels/audiodramas might, for impenetrable reasons, not have posted-up on PB.com.  Here's our discoveries to date:

1.  The Devil in Chains http://www.darkfictionmagazine.co.uk/category/the-devil-in-chains/
       We are a few episodes into this one - not sure yet if it will get a WSRH.  We are leaning toward WSRH, but we shall see.  Demons and ghosts incur upon Britain and an ex-physician and current science-beat reporter checks-it-out.   Okay, not a bad plot-line.  The techincals are pretty good, narration, recording, that type of thing.  The sound effects/music seem a bit heavy-handed, but not ruinously so.  The two aspects which annoy us - which is a bad thing, you all would agree- are the female narration of a male POV story, which is jarring, and the stilted Victorian language employed as often as possible.  There is no reason a male cannot do female lines (Nathan Lowell, the master of all things podcast, is the only reference we need site) and vise versa, but for a purely male POV - eh, not so sure it works, and not so sure why the producer chose to.  Her voice is in the very good-excellent range, however, so kudos to her in any event.  There are many British accented podcasts - duh.  Myke Bartlett's Salmon and Dusk works are top-notch.  It is the prissy-dated lingo we are not so down-with in this case.  Period-piece, steampunk, you defend?  Maybe, but it is challenging our twitchy WSRH red pen to remain in its holster.  Over all, this one's okay.

 

 

2.  Frank - Vol 1: Boiling Point http://neilcolquhoun.com/free-audiobooks/frank
      Neil is new too our ears, and all are welcome to this universe of story-telling compatriots.  We did not make it very far into this story, however.  We hope with time and practice Neil's podcasting will mature into good stuff, but this entry is clearly a neophyte's attempt.  The episodes are ultra short, which is unconventional.  The story, what little we hung-with, was disjointed - jarringly so - and it was certainly violent.  The loud rock music was - loud, and we're not sure it fit.  Mostly the story's unpromising and jarring initiation pushed us off the bandwagon.  Loved the Scottish accent though.

3.  Edict - Zero  http://edictzero.wordpress.com/
    Now this one we like, well, at least at first.  The podcast is a really well executed audiodrama, which  is hard to pull-off.  This team did it very very well.  There are a few "sound gaps", "dead-air" in the radio jargon, but not too many.  Otherwise, great technical work.  The voice actors are pro-quality and the editing is flawless.  We must mention a couple aspects which we did not like so terribly much, to air our thoughts fully.  The concept of "edicts" should have been explained from the get-go.  Half way through the story we now think we have figured it out, but it is unpleasant to be unclear.  The ranting lunatic Socrates rants WAY too much.  We almost WSRH'd the podcast during one of his long long, tiresomely long, rants.  Mind you, if you like long lunatic rants, these are good ones, but we tired of them quickly.  We got it - he's nutz.  The Socrates-actor was transparently going for a Brad-Pitt-12-Monkeys-kin'a thing, which was tiresome.  Also, speaking of monkeys, the lunatic rants used 'monkey' and 'banana' and monkey poop' way way way way way way (take our drift?) too much.  Let us not be either pedestrian or juvenile.  Also, the actor who did Socrates acceptably well - if over the top - did multiple voices.  Most were merely annoying, but his Italian accept was painful.  His roles should be re-cast and edited -out for the most part.  In the end, we were forced to give this one a WSRH.  We simply lost interest 2/3's of the way though.  The attempt do develop a tender love-relationship between the head cop and his wife was schmaltzy to a fault and fit-in awkwardly.  The inter-character banter was often stilted and unrealistic.  Mostly, however, we just lost interest.  We were not offended, put-off, or left with an off-taste in our mouth - we were simply bored.  That said, those less demanding than us will enjoy this well produced podcast, so please fell free to decide for yourself.

4.  Amarna - The Adventures of SR  http://imaginationlane.net/backroads/?cat=3
     Eh.
     No, that's about it - eh.  So, moving on to the next review...  What?  You respectfully request a tad more than "eh" from us?  Are you familiar with the term 'audacious'?  But, we are magnanimous if we are anything (though, to be fair, we might be nothing - we'll get back to you on that), so here goes...
We lasted almost 1 episode.   Rather uninspiring start.  Technically not so good.  Sound effects were WAY too loud over narration.  The "plot", if there was one, was odd.  Mind you, we like odd, but not dull, redo, boring, rip-off odd.  Isis, the goddess, transports a bar-wench to ancient Egypt and she becomes an apprentice necklace maker to kill time while Isis looks for the pieces of her dead SO.  Hummmm.  Harlequin Romance novel - here we come...  But seriously, what turned us off, as in 'off switch' - was Tanja'sMilojevic actually hails fro Great Britain?  In that case, simply don't use people who speak poorly - 'nuff said.  Yes, looking ahead, we saw other's narrated, but, if the soup is inedible, why stay for the main course?  If the chef serves unacceptable appetizers, what do you think the fish course will be like?  Put a $20 on the table and slip out quietly - you got it.  Seriously, if the rest of the podcast is better, if it is listen-to-able, then re-record episode 1.



5. The Byron Chronicles  by Eric Busby http://darkerprojects.com/byronchronicles.php
audiodrama, which always receive a tip of our hat, as they are technically challenging.  The plot is all-powerful immortals battling evil forces, fairly standard fair.  The protagonist - Byron - is pitched as a mysterious hyper-powerful detective (? - correct pigeon hole) who confronts mean-spirited evil-doers.  He's a Doctor Who/Batman amalgam, and as such, is, well, an admixture of stock heroes.  The slightly fresh angle is Byron has this ennui about life, an indifference to action, but always gives-in toward the start and ends up the reluctant Boy Scout.  And, need we need say it, he saves the day.  The production was excellent, voice acting excellent, and editing top-shelf.  So far - so good.  The series started out really quite well.  Interesting if not empathic characters, action, novel twists on plots.  So far - so good.  We finally did tire of TBC, however.  Like so many author spawned ideas, there was a spark, but no carry-through.  It has been said prophetically before, many authors are good at beginning stories but not at completing them.  This was the flavor we received here.  Less and less cohesive story-lines, less and less originality, return time and again to the "oh no he lost his power again" crisis [ um, anyone recall Superman, Q in Star Trek TNG, ET, Star Man, Samson and what's-her-name, etc et al?].  Fizzled-out is what we are trying to convey here.  But there were a few interesting plot arches.  At the end of the day, TBC is better than many, worse than, alas, too few but many, none-the-less.





6.  Quantum Retribution by MJ Cogburn &  C. E. Krawiec
     One cannot judge a book by it's cover - unfortunately in this case.  We were hooked - yes call us immature children at the county fair - by the title.  We simply had to listen with such a sexy, power-laden moniker.  Unfortunately, we did not need listen long, not too long at all.  Dark audiodrama.  Okay, really, we need more dark audiodrama in this world?  Deep sigh.  Okay, We presuppose it is possible we need another dark audiodrama.  Hit the start icon.  Tin-can echo voices, which are over-the-top melodramatic, and, our personal un-favorite, looming violence against an unsuspecting pretty-young woman.  Why is it, and we demand you tell us, that dark audiodramas ( amongst so many other genre) feel a need to only butcher young girls?  Interesting, isn't it.  We mean, where is the audiodrama which starts off with the vampires feasting on Adolf Hitler, and the cannibals roasting Al Capone?  Are not street-people who mumble to themselves while pushing a shopping cart easier human plunder than a promising contributor to the legion of prospective excellent mothers and wives?  Ah, but we digress, again.  We forgot, you torture hot-babes because there is the implied sex you may steal from them as they suffer greatly - male confusion with power vs sex, yeah yeah, we got it.  What were we thinking.  So, back to QR.  After a few tough minutes' listening to echoie bad acting, when we heard the innocent young girl be blithely lead off to apparent slaughter, we tapped the 'stop' icon on the old iPod and saved ourselves gratuitous pain.  Seriously, people, we will only suffer so much to bring you these necessary reviews, so do not pressure us.




7.  We're Alive by Kc Wayland & Shane Salk

    This is standard the-zombies-ate-my-friend material.  We, effete snobs which we are forced to be, are completely bored with, un-entertained by, and exhausted from stock-zombie-genre crap.  We mean, suspension of disbelief, okay, but suspension of cognitive thinking, not okay.  There is an unemptying well of the-zombie-ate-my-friend pouring forth, and we are stunned as to why.  That said, and we are reviewers not critics (they said coyly) so we can divulge this is well enough done the-zombies-ate-my-friend audiodrama.  The OMG-don't back-into-the-dark-room players are, well okay.  The production is very well done.  There are loud boomy sound effects, lots of machine guns, and a high zombie-body-count, so that has to be good, right?  To digress, which you know you love, we heard an interview recently with a member of another the-zombies-ate-my-friend podcast.  He justified the genre in that, sure zombie-zombie-zombie, but, he opined, it was really the inter-personal action, the responses and the relationships between the survivors which drove the story.  Really?  So chomp-chomp-shoot-shoot-run-run is only the palate on which the careful creator paints his words?  It could be space-opera or romance, it's just that brain-slurping is so...  what's the word we're looking for... necessary to tell a good boy-meets-girl tale, that, naturally... well, it's the only real format where it works.  How did Shakespeare and Steinbeck garner such praise when they never employed zombies?  Blind luck, we tell you - beginners luck.
Did we digress, or what?
  Okay, We"re Alive is fine if you like this... type of stuff.  Now, onward and upward....