Our First Throw-down, "Where Evil Grows", is, Alas a WSRH

  Yes, there is no Santa Claus, politicians are all scheming power mongers, and the boss always sucks.  Life can be, if you focus on its more dismal aspects, quite discouraging.  Likewise, we were all amped-up about an challenge from a PB.com author.  We were, a few entries back, lamenting over the poor quality of new podcast material offered on PB.com.  One S Lawrence Parrish wished to disabuse us of our misgivings and offered Where Evil Grows (WEG) as a potential negater of our pessimistic assessment.  Would that it would have been so.

  In keeping with our commitment to be objective and fair, never snarky or demeaning, we must, however offer a review of WEG which reflects accurately our serious reservations.  As always, it takes a lot of chutzpah to conceive of, write, record, edit, and offer-up a podcast novel.  So, we always wish to acknowledge this labor.  Thank you, Mr Parrish.  The occasion of this challenge lead us to commit to ourselves before ever hitting the 'play' icon that we would listen to three full episodes.  That would afford WEG a fair hearing, independent of our initial impressions .  We lasted...  three episodes.  Mr. Parrish delivers a solo read, the audio is fine, the voice characterization are laudable, and the editing is clean.  But, as is so often our experience, the story itself falls well short of the mark.

  WEG begins with a scene of rodents inexplicably parading into the sub-basement of a high school.  This was, in there full episodes, the only odd or evil growth present.  Otherwise, we follow a handful of hyper-hormoned teens as the new school year begins.  New friends to be made, bullies to be suffered, and coolness being everyone's goal.  Sound promising?  No, you are right, it does not.  But, what had our delete-finger itching to fall as the last decibels of episode three ended was the potty-language.  We can handle most anything, but really, Mr. Parrish, would you read this story aloud to your mother?  Committedd to examples as we are, let us summarize.  In episode one, one of the teenage boys snatches-up a pornographic magazine and declares his intention to defecate to his mates.  One boy taunts that he will likely be self-pleasuring, and admonishes the pooper to not foul the ceiling with his semen (notice how we are using nice, neutral terms for the potty stuff.  We are so proud of ourselves).  In episode two, we meet the developmentally delayed school janitor who, when frightened by rodents, passes wet, juicy stool into his large butt-crack and has is smell and squish much to his consternation.  In episode three, we meet the beautiful girl who had a miscarriage.  The pregnancy caused her once mild mestual cycles to be vindictively arduous.  Sound like something you'd like to read about?  It gets worse.  Her first day back to school, she decides to wear really tight jeans.   Thus, she can only afford herself the protection of a tampon, and not the panty-shield she would generally double-up with.  Now are you entrigued?  Us either.  But wait, when she is frightened by a mouse, she squirts menstrual flow into the crotch of her pants and has to...

  Okay, you get the picture, unfortunately.  WEG promised to be a gross, boy's locker room tale which would appeal only to adolescents and pre-adolescents.  If you are not among those demographics, we suggest humbly you forgo WEG.  If our citations float your boat, you should go for it.  You will learn the secret that if a man has a really huge phallus, he can stimulate a girl's G-spot and she will urinate when she achieves orgasm.  

  On myyy!  Let us go wash our ears out with a warm soapy solution.  We intentionally did not investigate Mr. Parrish's background, because, we blindly hope and pray he is no more than a lad of seventeen.  Otherwise we'd have to entertain the possibility that an adult wrote with such a libertine style.  Oh myyy, indeed!