Strigoaie, The Romanian Witch (STRW, we helped you, author by inserting the comma), by Mark Vale is a new release on PB.com. We, always hungry for a great tale, scooped it up greedily. We listened to a full hour before the WSRH axe fell. We did not dis-like STRW, we simply found nothing to like. First, Mr. Vale, an absolute point-of-order. When your podcast begins with the first three notes of the Star Trek intro music, you had better be good - damn good! Aside from How To Disappear Completely, Toothless, Write Now!, and precious few others, nothing on PB.com rises to that lofty level. STRW falls well short of Mt. Olympus. Second point, good author. Are you of an age to remember the ever so cute Archie comic Sabrina, The Teenage Witch, or the even cute late-90's sit-com of the same name? You take an awful risk titling a book S-T-R-W when it veritably rhymes with S-T-T-W. Please accept this as another kind suggestion.
So, why the WSRH? Several issues. First, the basic concept. In STRW we have a male author writing what, at least in the first hour, is a woman's story. Four teenage girls in the 1960's, a contemporary babe, and a couple old women populate the story. We are always... nervous, when someone fully male takes it upon them selves to write a novel from a fully female perspective. We cannot say it has never been done well, but we've never read it. Hemmingway never attempted it, nor Bradbury nor even Shakespeare. Us fellows have such a heck of a time trying to figure you gals out on an historic and an ongoing basis that it is inconceivable that a man could get y'all right. Further, - and, please, we are supremely to-each-his-own - we cannot understand why a man would set-about to elucidate the female essence. However, we know full well that an author must write what they must write (please research to concept of vates), so we scold not. We did not like the fundamental error we heard either, not in the context of STRW. The granny speaks of her wicked aunt as a disgusting Gypsy. Gypsies, more properly, Roma, are an ethnic group especially common in that part of Eastern Europe. However, if the aunt is Roma, the mother must be one too - they are family. We guess they could be introduced as step-sisters to make the insult work, but that's getting pretty far-afield.
The basic flaw, however, which caused the axe to fall, was the very blandness of the story. The writing was crisp enough, and the plot not unpromising, and the narration was gentle and pleasing, loving, if you will. But, - and darn-it-all, there always has to be a but - the story is dull, lifeless, uninteresting, and unpromising. Like a tofu steak, or a date with one's sister, STRW looked to be a poor investment of time. Maybe, if there was action and tension to take place, and it were introduced sooner, Mr. Vale might have set-the-hook, but, alas, we easily spit it out. Sorry, Mr. Vale. We really admired your kind effort and appealing yarn-telling, but... eh. Having stopped after hour one, we clearly have no idea what transpires in STRW. We will expose ourselves fully here and predict what happened. PS: the reader should NEVER be able to do this, so if we are even close, Mr. Vale, please return to the word processor and mix-it-up a bit. The cute babe gains magical powers as she enters her true native land. As she struggles to be a full-fledged witch, she must combat the darkest of forces, probably her great aunt, yet, despite all odds and wishes-to-hope, the beauty triumphs... but wait, if you buy now STRW will throw-in that she meets Mr. Wright and... well, we'll stop here. We do not wish to be snarky, just illustrative.
PS: Because we are ever so worldly, a correction of sorts. We do not know what a "strgoaie" is. The male 'witch' in Romanian would be "strigoi" and the female "strigoaica".
Honest, no seriously, honest reviews of podcasts on Podiobook.com, plus a few non-PB.com notables. We can save you time avoiding lesser podcasts and target you to the greats.
What's The Blog About, Alfie?
We are avid fans of literature, good literature. We prefer great writing, we'll settle for very good work, but we cannot abide anything less. We will stop reading a book if the author demonstrates mediocrity, writes incompetently, or, worse yet, simply loses our interest. That said, we will always give you our honest opinions about the books we've listened to on Podiobooks.com. We'll tell you why the great ones are great, and why the forgettable ones should be avoided.
We hope, when we've reviewed enough, you will come to this blog to see if a particular book is worthy of your time. We plan to be frank. You have come here to elicit our opinion and we shall not disappoint. Additionally, we hope this blog becomes a resource for PB.com authors to read honest and objective reviews of their efforts; no smoke blown-up the butt at any time. We have observed over time that reviews left on an author's site or iTunes are basically of two types. The first is the pie-eyed-hyperbolic-praise version of a review by a real fan. While excellent for the ego of said author, this form of assessment aids neither the potential listener nor the writer's development. The second type is the snarky-hit-and-run-slap-in-the-face negative review which may contain the kernel of an insight, but is actually significantly less valuable than the first type. Ours will be decidedly neither polar extreme. We will be as fair and complete as possible. An unavoidable off-shoot, indeed a desirable off-shoot, the clever reader will quickly appreciate is that we will undoubtably be squewering a few sacred-cows. If that happens, please keep in mind the fable of The Emporer's New Clothes and the fact that we would not review them in a less-than-stellar manner if they did not deserve it.
Our reviews are not placed on PB.com, iTunes, or any other public site. We do not wish to embarrass or ridicule any particular authors. Many of the authors are our friends, or at least were up till they read our review. We dearly appreciate that each PB.com author has poured their creative guts out for all to see with very little chance of monetary reward. This is not easy. We will not generally say anything but positives on public sites as we, in our alter ego, want the authors, even the poor ones, to have their moment in the bright-shiny sun. At the very least we want them to be happy little fish in their little ponds.
Finally a term defined, a dreaded term, one you wish never to see, one which strikes despair in the heart of any author - WSRH. This is short for "We Stopped Reading Here". Background. Our less than sainted father was a college English professor. When grading essays and term papers, especially freshman courses, we observed him many a cruel time to slash across the page with his red pen. Just below the horrific line, he would write, "I stopped reading here... F." Clearly, papa was a professor, not an editor, so he was an I while we are, well, a we. Hence, ISRH transforms into WSRH. However you begin it, it is not a good thing. Avoid writing something which earns WSRH, you will not be happy with yourself.
Your comments on our comments are most welcome. You may be as frank as we are. Contrary opinions, supported by rational argument not finger-wagging, will help the prospective PB.com readers find the books which are right for them. Bottom line: our comments plus your comments, along with author rebuttals, will in the end benefit us all, and help PB.com listeners choose wisely.
Based on the success of this blog, we have started a Forum where you can share your insights and reviews. The more information and discussion, the better informed we will all be.
We hope, when we've reviewed enough, you will come to this blog to see if a particular book is worthy of your time. We plan to be frank. You have come here to elicit our opinion and we shall not disappoint. Additionally, we hope this blog becomes a resource for PB.com authors to read honest and objective reviews of their efforts; no smoke blown-up the butt at any time. We have observed over time that reviews left on an author's site or iTunes are basically of two types. The first is the pie-eyed-hyperbolic-praise version of a review by a real fan. While excellent for the ego of said author, this form of assessment aids neither the potential listener nor the writer's development. The second type is the snarky-hit-and-run-slap-in-the-face negative review which may contain the kernel of an insight, but is actually significantly less valuable than the first type. Ours will be decidedly neither polar extreme. We will be as fair and complete as possible. An unavoidable off-shoot, indeed a desirable off-shoot, the clever reader will quickly appreciate is that we will undoubtably be squewering a few sacred-cows. If that happens, please keep in mind the fable of The Emporer's New Clothes and the fact that we would not review them in a less-than-stellar manner if they did not deserve it.
Our reviews are not placed on PB.com, iTunes, or any other public site. We do not wish to embarrass or ridicule any particular authors. Many of the authors are our friends, or at least were up till they read our review. We dearly appreciate that each PB.com author has poured their creative guts out for all to see with very little chance of monetary reward. This is not easy. We will not generally say anything but positives on public sites as we, in our alter ego, want the authors, even the poor ones, to have their moment in the bright-shiny sun. At the very least we want them to be happy little fish in their little ponds.
Finally a term defined, a dreaded term, one you wish never to see, one which strikes despair in the heart of any author - WSRH. This is short for "We Stopped Reading Here". Background. Our less than sainted father was a college English professor. When grading essays and term papers, especially freshman courses, we observed him many a cruel time to slash across the page with his red pen. Just below the horrific line, he would write, "I stopped reading here... F." Clearly, papa was a professor, not an editor, so he was an I while we are, well, a we. Hence, ISRH transforms into WSRH. However you begin it, it is not a good thing. Avoid writing something which earns WSRH, you will not be happy with yourself.
Your comments on our comments are most welcome. You may be as frank as we are. Contrary opinions, supported by rational argument not finger-wagging, will help the prospective PB.com readers find the books which are right for them. Bottom line: our comments plus your comments, along with author rebuttals, will in the end benefit us all, and help PB.com listeners choose wisely.
Based on the success of this blog, we have started a Forum where you can share your insights and reviews. The more information and discussion, the better informed we will all be.
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