Tincture - Laced With Goodness!

Okay, my minions, we are proud to do a review.  What pleases us most, and the reason we must make such a show of it, is that there have been so few PB.com entrants of sufficient worth to warrant a mention.  But now we may share our profundity regards a winner!  Tincture, An Apocalyptic Proposition (TAAP) by Matthew M. Jordan, like so many successful salmon before it, beat it's little fins hard enough to reach The Promised Land - a review by us!  This is fantasy, not exactly post-apocalyptic, a genre we tired of many a moon past, and is really dark fiction, maybe weird fiction.  Whatever label is appied, TAAP is a commendable effort.

Here's his tag:

Rhamuel and the last of his family, Abranyah, travel their barren world, shack to shack, selling tinctures to keep a full belly and evading the dogmatists to keep their throats safe. Time has turned funny after The Whatever, an apocalyptic event that few remember and even fewer can explain, danger now as commonplace as the unrecognizable relics of war, and the madman Aphulan—along with an iron rule over his small township—may hold the answers. With a cure for The Sick and a passion to uncover what happened to their world, Rhamuel and Abranyah set off on a journey to the “other place,” the days before The Whatever, and ready themselves for a glimpse into what happened, and what was always meant to happen next.

NARRATION:   Very nice indeed.  We are unfamiliar with the voice, and no specific attribution was made as to whom it was.  We presume it was Mr. Jordan (hint hint, Mr. J - add attributions!).  As a solo read, there was sufficient articulation of voices between characters to distinguish amongs them.  Also, the anonymous narrator (oh how we admire anonymity) gave a spark, an energy to each main character which fit the personalities well.  There was a confidence in the narration which is surprising to find in a novice.  Very laudable.  We Would give 19 points for this category, about as high as a solo read may garner. 

EDITING/TECHNICAL:  There was one missed over-dub in a later episode, but just the one.  There were a few too-long-a-pauses, but, again, not enough to detract from the overall pace of the story.  Music outros could be a bit long.  Not that the music wasn't pleasing and well matched, it occasionally just ran a bit amok.  Sparse sound effects were bland and probably should have been deleted, but they  were not bad, just... melba toast.  We dole-out 15 points in this grouping.

ORIGINALITY OF STORY:  Back very much on track here, this is a unique tale.  We are unfamiliar with a similar yarn.  As original could be a bad thing, we must definitely state the originality was refreshing.  Several story-twists and elements caught us, scared veterans as we are,  completely by surprise.   This speaks well for the imagination of the author.  A wild and vivid imagination is such a gift, both from the Muse to the author and the author to us readers.  Thank you, kind sir!  An unreserved 20 points here.

QUALITY OF WRITING:  Ah, Mr. Jordan, if you're reading this, you may wish, at this juncture, to take a prescription tranquilizer, if available.  Wait twenty to thirty minutes, then read on.  The rest of you may proceed directly ahead - sedatives optional.  TAAP is more a story told more than a novel written.  This is not a bad thing, but it is not a good thing in and of itself.  Our ancestors sat around many a campfire at night listening to a bard tale tale like Beowulf and the like.  Good stuff!  Writing serious fiction is another art form and it is the one we pine-over.  That said, this is an expansive story with palpable characters who develop intriguing personalities.  Well done, good sir!  But technical flaws do hamper the effort.  There is an on going convolution to the story, scene out of time, if you will.  Think, for illustrative example, of Slaughter House Five.  Done well, this devise is wondrous.  In TAAP, we think the tool may have been over-employed, leading to a bit of jarring and miscomprehension.  The vagueries surrounding the beginning were almost enough to earn TAAP a WSRH.  But - for you dear reader - we persevered and found ourselves caught-up willingly in TAAP. 
Another Serious flaw was the dreaded Anticlimax.  The story came to a truly endless series of saw-toothed ending points, only to launch-forth into another riveting, poignant interlude.  We flash on the image of a fish dying slowly on the floor of a boat.  Will it ever stop flopping?  A final critique.  Mr. Jordan, please vary the word skull for the abused word brain-pan and pepper-in time as it is significantly less liberally.  That is all we'll say.  Zip.  We ladle-forth 10 points here. 

WOW FACTOR: There is clearly some in TAAP.  The prowess of the solo-narration is impressive.  The unbridled imagination of the setting the story is told in is most commendable.  We will always reward an author who spawns a new world and them leads us though it with loving care.  Just say no to zombies and vampires shall always be our motto, or battle cry.  TAAP stays light-years away from the cliche.  Finally, the music, which was a bit long at times, was spell-binding, well-matched, and a pleasure to hear.  You should be proud of yourself, Mr. Jordan!  14 wow-points.

EXTRA CREDIT:  They say in baseball, that if you watch long enough you'll see something you never have before.  And so it is here, a first in the annals of our saged reviews, a negative extra credit.  TAAP is the first to earn a subtraction.  We strike 3 points off the podcasts total for the blatant and unapologetic plagiarism of Fire Fly/Serenity.  We are huge fans of this body of scifi goodness.  But the dialogue in TAAR is clearly a photocopy of the jerky-western drawl of Malcolm Reynold and the rest of the Brown Coats.  It was a brilliant tool for Fire Fly, but when so overtly recycled, it shows a clear lack of originality.  As our close and personal friend Doctor Who has said, "Originality is cool!"

TOTAL:  75.  Well done, TAAP!


Their website is:  http://tincturestory.com/

The Guild of The Cowry Catchers - A Catch And Release

  With this review, of Abigail Hilton's The Guild of The Cowry Catchers 1-4 (TGOTCC), we will be uncharacteristic.  This is a major podcast of PB.com, so TGOTCC cannot be ignored.  So, a review we feel obliged to publish.  We were torn as to whether to post upon this work, but decided one must not pick-and-choose for reasons of conflict - and we are conflicted.  There weight two very heavy counter-balances which prompt us to be reserved.  Ms. Hilton pours her very life and soul into this epic podcast, a well as a tremendous amount of her time.  Her production is nothing short of brilliant.  The world Ms. Hilton creates is fresh and her writing skills are top-notch.  She gives us all outstanding cast, editing, and sound effects.  Few podcasts are technically superior.  These factors combined constitute one monument force on the scale we judge TGOTCC with.  The other massive counter-weight is that, in spite of these attributes, is that TGOTCC earned a WSRH.

  How is it possible for such a superb podcast to be shot-down with an ignoble WSRH?  As we stress time and again, it's all about the story.  A permutation of this credo is that it's all about what the author wishes to tell us, wishes to say to us.  Ms. Hilton chooses to, for reasons she is very much entitled to express, hammer the listener over the head with repeated gay-sex scenes.  One was one too many, but maybe it was needed, but several?  Hardly likely.  In all seriousness, we will announce our steadfast support of the quote often mis-attributed to Voltaire, "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." After volumes of brilliant story-telling, Ms. Hilton feels it incumbent upon herself to push into the listener's ears, in brilliant stereo, graphic sex scenes between two male characters.  So be it.  This literary device is clearly extremely important to Ms. Hilton and she is free to express it.  We applaud her honesty with us in exposing to us her passionate desire to do so.  Why on earth she feels such a need is well beyond the scope of our speculation, but - as the common-herd is so fond of saying - it is what it is.

  We, Anonymous, are, well - duh - anonymous.  We are a reviewer of art.  That said, we feel that graphic sex is a wonderful thing if conducted between two (or, to be inclusive, one or three or twenty-five) consenting adults in private.  Sex should always be so confined.  We do not care if it is sex between males, females, or any desired combination of the two.  We do not care if one is referring to graphic sex between fictional character which are human, or alien, or six-dimensional.  Are we a prude?  We think not, but the reader may differently.  We simply feel that graphic sex in books, photos, and film, is a cheap-shot, an facile ploy for an author.  We wish there was one hell of a lot more 'fades to black' in art.  We get it, the man sitting on the bed tightening his tie and the woman presumably naked under the covers just did 'it', they gained carnal knowledge of each other, they hid the salami, they played slap-and-tickle - whatever!  Why do we need to have the act depicted to use in cheek-blushing detail?  For vicarious sexual arousal?  One word: GROSS!  Once safely past adolescence, vicarious sexual gratification is reserved for those who never matured out of adolescence. Wash, rinse, repeat.  Detailed sexual encounters are gratuitous and those who derive gratification from them are not persons we would care to spend much time in the company of.   Grow up people!

  Well, we must restate that expounding graphic sex is for the vicarious as well as for those who have an agenda.  We are oblivious as to which motivated Ms. Hilton.  Her reasoning is her own and we support her right to soap-box them to the world.  We, however, care not to expose ourselves to such low-brow entertainment.  As a reviewer of PB.com material, we feel honor-bound to pass along our honest review.  We hope it helps prospective listeners chose wisely.  As always, it is never our intention to insult or impugn the artist.  Critique is, in the end, personal opinion.  Here it is offered with deference and with a heart-felt desire to inform.

  So, should you, PB.com listener, select TGOTCC?  It is a great story told brilliantly.  If you can overlook the above mentioned flaws, go for it!  You will be richly rewarded.  If you actually want to hear graphic sex, well stop reading this review and download this bad-boy.  But, for the faint-of-heart, it poses some potentially significant challenges. 

The Deleted Ones -Please Do Delete

  We must first quote The Sage, George Takei.  "Oh myyyyy!"

  The Deleted Ones (TDO), by Martin Kolacek was, unfortunately, yet anther in the terribly long-line of WSRH's we suffered through, however briefly, for you.  You are welcome.  The podcast may - oh we are such a play-on-words slut - be deleted.  We were shocked at first to hear even the narration.  Martin clearly possesses a middling command of the English language, so his attempt to write a book in the same language as The Bard struck us as odd.  Don't get us wrong, Martin is free to do as he chooses - he is hurting no one.  Still, it is odd to create a tale in a language one is not fluent in.  The narration as such was slowly paced and labored, reflecting his unfamiliarity.  This in no way helped the podcast along.  But, in the end, it's always about the story.  Again, oh myyyy!  This was odd, at least the half episode we could stomach.  Amnesia - always a weak writing device - coupled with gay-sex robots and some dysfunctional social set-up.  WSRH.  Oh myyyy, myyyy!  Do yourself a favor, heed our warning, and pass on TDO.

A Breif Word

  And yes, before you think it, we are capable of brevity.  We have posted no recent reviews.  This is due to a superposition of forces.  First, Podiobooks.com was hacked, so they changed their entire set-up.  They were once difficult to search, now they are virtually impossible to search.  Hence, when we go to PB.com, we find it hard to find anything.  Second, the browsing of titles we have do reveal to us - oh for once we'll be kind - sparse offerings.  The recent WSRH essay was the best we gleaned from PB.com, and it was...  well, read the post.  The podcast was rather the opposite of good.  But, we will, from time-to-time, check back in and see if anything interesting turns up.

  If we do not serve you - we are not serving you!

Shaman, Healer, Heretic - Bedazzled Us Good

  We are, as you have undoubtedly gleaned, not easy please. We are tough but fair.  This euphemism, of course, signals that we are hard-headed and closed minded, full of both ourselves and free, unsolicited opinions.  Our point is, being not pleased with the banal and insipid places us in a sad place - we frown a lot when we read books, observe art, or listen to podcasts.  Seems like there'd be a simple formula to follow.  A) An author has talent.  B)  An author has something to say.  C) An author takes the time to offer-forth their vision in a well produced user-friendly box with a ribbon on top.  A + B + C = We Smile.  Seems simple enough.  Ah well, again, we loquaciously digress.  Our sentinel point is that the simple formula for podcast success is simple and written above for all to see.  We are smiling big-time over M. Terry Green's (MTG) outstanding application of this principle with Shaman, Healer, Heretic (SHH).  We were heretofore unfamiliar with her writing, and this is her virginal-podcast effort, so we were completely uncertain what to expect.  You know how, when you're strolling down some idyllic beach, and you stoop-over to pick up a shiny pebble, only to find this free gift is a wondrous crystal?  Yeah, that's us and this podcast.  What a gem!

Here's her tag:

         

An Olivia Lawson, Techno-Shaman Novel

Even for a techno-shaman, a kachina in the bedroom isn’t exactly part of the drill. When Olivia Lawson wakes to find one towering over her, she panics. A Hopi god visiting the real world isn’t just wrong–it’s impossible.

Or is it?

Soon Olivia learns that the kachina is the least of her worries. As she struggles to save her clients, clashes with other shamans, and fends off the attacks of real-world vigilantes, Olivia finds herself in the destructive path of a malevolent ancient force intent on leaving the spiritual realm to conquer this one.

Left with few options, Olivia is forced to defy centuries of shaman prohibitions. As she and her allies risk everything in their bid for survival, Olivia ultimately learns that the rules are there for a reason and that breaking them has a terrible cost.

NARRATION:  Wonderful!  There, we're done and may move on.  Details, you prod us?  Oh yes, we are a critic, not a fan blog.  So, we have to applaud both MTG's gumption and prowess.  As a first time podcaster it is easy to be intimidated, hence compounding one's inexperience, to produce a podcast which is, at least at the start, shaky.  Trust us, we know this from personal history.  But, wow, MTG hits the ground running like a journeyman (Ah, journeywoman for you New Ager's out there - all right?).  Confident, clear, flawless narration.  Just what the critic ordered.  Well above and beyond expectations in this category.  We award her a full 20 points here.

 EDITING/TECHNICALS: This, again can be a tough area for the neophyte.  Unless the podcaster is fortunate enough to bring to the table prior skills, we the listening public are all too often subjected to a grating learning curve.  Ms. Green does this aspect well indeed.  No editing glitches (we hate easily excised faux pas - we really do), finger-nail-on-chalkboard transitions, or inaudible overdubs.  Clean and simple.  Moreover, the simple style compliments the text.  A simple, straight-forward production behooves the tale.  In a world were the competition spend big money and achieves cinematic-levels, we approve of MTG's choices in SHH.  We award 17 point.  We must leave a few points off in deference to those do tackle the highly complex productions and do it well.

ORIGINALITY OF STORY: Two words come to our lips: fresh and delightful.  In a literary world sullied by vampire-osis and zombie-mania, sword-play, and facile magic, SHH is truly unique.  Unique is nice - we like unique.  It is tinglingly fun to follow an author when they choose to pursue the path-less-traveled and see how and where they will go.  Uncharted waters are treacherous for good reason.  We were abundantly pleased with MTG's progression.  To tell a cohesive story, MTG suspended but one disbelief, that shaman are rather commonplace and use electronic gadgets to visit the Multiverse.  Past that assumption, the action is logical, and the course of our journey is deliciously unanticipatable.  Strong work indeed we say, MTG!  A full 20 points for this grouping.

QUALITY OF WRITING: Text or podcast, this is where the rubber-meets-the-road.  SHH is, we can endorse up-front, very well written.  Early San Francisco art critic Gelett Burgess once said, "I don't know anything about art, but I know what I like."  Well said, fine sir!  So it is with writing.  MTG conducts her prose in a straight-forward, unpretentious, and fluid manner.  She weaves a complex tale of seemingly disparate threads with a smooth and pleasing hand.  There were a few points where a more polished effort might have been called for, but these odd-transitions and hum-moments were blessedly rare.  We sight, by way of examples, how a suspicious Livvy never wondered why the paramedic just seemed to be there so conveniently, or what was happening to beasts released by the ne'er-do-well shaman after their cameo, or the lack of details as to how Livvy found her lost friend, during the climax.  But these were minimal wrinkles, far over-shadowed by the richly told tale.  A strong 17 point here.

WOW FACTOR: Wow factor's abound in SHH.  The precious Easter eggs of happiness push this work well onto the next level.  Most impressive was the research and expertise Ms. Green displayed.  Her knowledge of ancient lore and practice was stunning.  We mean, who knew from zygurrat - right?  The panoply of gods and spirit-helpers, legends and belief systems is spell-binding - which is, in the end, appropriate for a novel about shaman, n'est-ce pas?  A wowfully full 20 points here, if you please!

EXTRA CREDIT: For being so skillful as a newbie, so knowledgeable, and - dare we say it - so darn cute, we allow 3 extra credit points to MTG.

TOTAL:  A resounding 97! Get out there and treat yourself to this little gem, you'll be glad you did.

M. Terry Green's webpage:  http://mterrygreen.com/ 

Youth-In-Asia: WSRH Reviews of Arnand Ptolemy and Teruvisa

We will be brief.  There is little to say about these two very new PB.com releases.  They are WSRH's.  We regret the few moments we spent hearing them.


Armand Ptolemy and the Golden Aleph by Mark Jeffery.  Mark, you should know better.  The sound quality is horrible.  The narration is worse.  If you do not show any respect for you prospective listeners, you should expect none in return.  The narration is a story told by a campfire.  When Mr. Jeffery stammers, he leaves it in.  When he aborts a line and redoes it, he leaves it in.  All in all it sounds like the podcast was produced on the subway during rush hour and the narrator was under tremendous time pressure.  The policeman swears excessively and gratuitously.  The story, well the 10 minutes we listened to, promised to be far-fetched, unrealistic - maybe silly -  and certainly uninspiring.  Policemen's bodies exploding when crushed between floating slabs of rock?  Really?  Nice visual, Mark.  Floating multi-ton rocks?  At least it's an original concept....

Teruvisa: Two Kingdoms by Gentry Winn.  Gentry, as opposed to Mark, it would have been nice if you'd known better, but at least you're a newbie.  We only lasted 3-4 minutes with this podcast.  The recoding/production quality is just too awful.  There seems to be many many episodes following, and the thought of experiencing that poor an audio was just about enough to halt us in our tracks.  The sliver of story we heard was the coup de grace.  Norseman magically slinging spit and leaping from Never Never Land to Riverside, California, where the magical dwarfs, like live?  Wow.  WSRH.  But seriously, it was the sound which did you in.  There is a Mentorship Forum attached to PB.com where expert advise is freely meeted-out.  Why skip that crucial step.

Union Of Renegades - Revolt Against This One

As we have been forced to admit often and anon, we are nit-pickers and we often do not much fancy ourselves.  We mean, what if we are gratuitously picking at nit?  Hum?  Well we don't know if such a thing is possible either - but there it is.  Anyway, to our point, which we do indeed have.
  It is with inconstant conviction that we must confess the Union of Renegades: The Rys Chronicles Book I (UOR) by Tracy Falbe has slipped quietly into a coma and we have hence removed it from listening-support.  In other words - WSRH.  The axe fell later in the story than most, around episode 15.  Only The Leviathan Chronicles earned a WSRH later (say, perchance we are not chronicle lovers?  Nah, silly coincidence).  In common, both have some sparkling qualities which make they somewhat compelling.  They both share outstanding production.  They both failed in the story, which, as we harp-on time and again, needs be the real magic.
  Ms. Falbe employed Dark Fire Productions and their near-incomparable Chris Snelgrove to do the job.  Aside from Chris's annoying rendition of a French Canadian accent for two female characters (seriously, Chris, we need to talk) he is his usual fantastic.  The WSRH would have been assigned had we read the book directly, most assuredly.  As always, we wish to illustrate our issues, not merely sling-mud.  The writing issues are both global and specific, and despite some attractive aspects of the book.  For example, we commend Ms. Falbe on her imagination and unique insights.  The story is diverse and the action complex.  She demonstrates empathy for her characters - aside, lamentably, from the male lead.
  Global issues are the construct of a plot based (we extrapolate from 15 episodes experience) on cooperation and 'union' between god-like magical beings and very pedestrian mortals.  In the battle for Heaven, God and his angels did not call on man to form an alliance to defeat evil.  Why would they?  We would have brought veritable zero to the table.  The same flaw barks-out at us in UOR.
  When we say there are specific issues we, in the final assessment, could not overlook were, in essence, the lead male.  He needed a lot of work to rise to the level of acceptable - passable.  His fatal flaw is the he whines incessantly.  If we wish to experience whiners, we need only go to work.  They are there unavoidable.  We do not relish spending our leisure time re-experiencing them.   Examples.  He gets pissed at his boss and quits at the worse of times because he is essentially an idiot and over-reacts.  His girl friend is trapped on an ice mountain and scheduled to expire asap and he whines that he will not attempt a rescue until the children - who are safe in a nice castle - come too.  He is told it is unsafe and imprudent to visit the girl friend when they first arrive at the castle.  Instead of adhering to good advice from a supportive ally, he whines, that he wants to go to her.  Oh yes, whining abounds.
  Also, the male lead displays uncanny and consistently imbecilic decision-making.  They flee into the wilderness.  They are assaulted by ravenous wolves and horrific monsters yet they press-ahead in lieu of a wise retreat (no, Trac, even before the evil queen warped their minds and stole the child - even before that).  His arguing with his new buddy about not rescuing his damsel in distress unless the kids come climb the mountain too.  At most times, the lead's dialogue - his manner of speech - is stilted and unrealistic.  People don't talk like he does and it detracts from the character's credibility.  Other flaws abound,  Why would the queen go to all the trouble of having said girl friend hauled-off to a mountain top to freeze to death when she could snap her fingers and the girl would burst into flames.  It the tiresome old plot twist of setting up a death scenario in which if the villain had only just done the deed no escape would have been possible.  Remember Batman and how he always extricated himself because the arch-villain left the scene too soon?  Oh, and the cover.  Ms. Falbe, a successful novel cannot be fronted with a picture of your neighbor on his way to a Ren-Faire.  We notice subsequent covers are quite nice.  Why start the series with the weakest cover?
  Okay, enough said.  We admire anyone with the conviction and insight to pen a work of fiction.  We specifically admire Ms. Falbe's efforts.  They do not fall too short of passable and she will doubtlessly improve.  Hopefully that improvement will be offered in a series other than UOR sequels, as we are out in terms of that series.  Even if Book II were brilliant, if we cannot get through Book I we would be in the dark, right?  As we say, we are not here to impugn or pick-on Ms. Falbe.  We simply, as always, wish only to offer our opinion in the for-what-it's-worth category while supplying specific examples.  As a podcast, most listeners will enjoy it as it is so well produced and the story is, as we said, not too far off the mark.  We, however, are not most listeners.