We are, if you knew us, a really nice personage. We are devoted to the happiness of others, driven to aid in all things, and likely to achieve canonization more rapidly than most other saints. We take joy from the joyful and no joy from that which falls short of that heady mark. So, you'll empathize with us, it is with a truly heavy heart and sincere displeasure that we must (for we must) share this WSRH assignation. The Leviathan Chronicles (TLC) could have been exceptional, and was achieving not-bad-at-all-and-very-entertaining, until it dropped, like Icarus, from our listening-radar screens.
The label we will next apply, a dastardly one to be certain, fits, regrettably, all too well, the work under review: "Rembrandt comic" [ http://www.sfwa.org/2009/06/turkey-city-lexicon-a-primer-for-sf-workshops/ and http://fritzfreiheit.com/wiki/Rembrandt_comic_book_story ]. We were large fans of the podcast as it released from the website over the past 2 years. The creators A) care deeply about their production, and it shows; and B) spent beau coup bucks in producing it. Spending a not-so-small fortune bringing to life a terrific story you love would suggest the end result was destine to be top-notch.
Therein, we fear, hid the problem, and hence the Rembrandt comic label. As we listened to the story play out, we envisioned the glowing review we would be authoring on this site. We would ding them here and there for this or that, and in the end, give them a very nice mark. Off hand, we'd guess they would have ranked in the mid-to-high 80's, though never the low 90's. The writing is simply to unsophisticated and there are too many plot gaffs. By way of example, so as to lend credibility to our saged opinion: 1. The heroine discovers a weird alien machine in her grandmother's bedroom way in the beginning of the story. Never again does the author return to explain or use this plot element. Then why use it? 2. The aliens give the immortals a super power-source every now and then. The story hinges on evil-doers stealing one or interfering with the delivery. Huh? For centuries the only way to deliver one must have been for the aliens to do so themselves; 16th century technology certainly couldn't put a multi-ton battery at the bottom of the ocean. So why are humans involved in the delivery now? Makes no sense. 3. Two characters run through a motorcycle show and jump on a bike and ride off, chased by another who steals a bike too. Really, can just anyone steal a motorcycle from a show? Maybe we should try it, after all, times are hard and motorcycles look like fun. 4. The main immortal chooses as her number one assistant the clearly evil man who killed her lover. Really? She must be a-better-man-than-I, Gunga Din. Come now, it's a bone-head move on her part and most unbelievable. 5. Though out the story the author uses the lame technique of having discussions and clever repartee occurring during mortal combat. Very very unrealistic.
There are hugely way more examples, but time and reader forbearance are only so allowing. But you take our point. The Rembrandt comic label comes from this combination of pedestrian writing coupled with state-of-the-art-spare-no-expense production. It is truly a pity a good editor was not involved. The Leviathan Team could have really gifted us with something special. We know, we can heard you muttering, (please don't mutter so loudly in the future, this is OUR blog, not your blog - room for only one on this soap box) "Hey, Anonymous, this is audio drama, not high-fiction! You cannot fairly ding them for the writing craftsmanship. If you're reading their book, well then fair is fair, but... blah blah blah..." Yes, we hear you, and fast food should taste bad and one-night stands should be unfulfilling, and if Warhol painted a soup can it would be art, yeah, yeah. Well not for our money, thank you. There is no reason to not make something as good as it can be. Moreover, and you'll find with time that we are real sticklers on this point, writing is a sacred art and must be honored and cherished and sought-after. Mediocre is not, in this setting, mediocre. It is unacceptable! End of discussion. Get it right or get it shredded; struggle to produce a jewel or struggle equally hard to keep it out of our face. Sorry, but passion is passion. The writing of recipes for your neighbors and sick notes for your kids should correctly expected to be well crafted or the author should be chastised.
Whew, that felt good!
Back to the task-at-hand. So we were going to award TLC an adequate score, challenge them to w-r-i-t-e a better sequel, and move on. But, we hit a WSLH point. We were honestly surprised, blind-sided in fact. The aggregate quality of TLC's was so good, we could not conceive of hitting a point so egregious as to be WSRH-worthy. But we did and we suggest you heed our warning and consider skipping TLC altogether based on it. First, if you didn't already know, the production team hires paid voice actors. They audition them, direct them, push them, and they are excellent. So, the WSRHtoo real. It is deeply troubling to hear. Cruelty abounds in our world. People are tortured-to-death. Hearing it, experiencing it, is simply too much. Plus, though we will rarely jump on this old hackneyed bandwagon, there might be children listening. More than decorum is at risk here, folks. The only two things we can say in the dispensing of this WSRH is that 1. It's the first and only one not based on terrible writing/production, but rather content; and, 2. We contacted the author directly and told him to edit/pull the scene, because we felt so passionately as to the fatalness of this flaw. Oh well. There, we've warned both author and potential listener, so our conscious is clear (not that our hubris wouldn't have prevented tarnishing, but it it were possible, it has been expunged).
Hollywood, famous for giving us ultra-expensive flops, should be taken by TLC team as cautionary and prophetic. Heaven's Gate, Ishtar, Hell's Angels, and The Adventures of Pluto Nash, to name but a few ill-fated high price projects. They did prove, and prove again, that money and wishing cannot save a project doomed by it's ill-conception. Iffy writing and poor taste/judgement are a worrisome combination, but are possible the change. Anyone here drive an Edsel? We thought not.
'Nough said.
Honest, no seriously, honest reviews of podcasts on Podiobook.com, plus a few non-PB.com notables. We can save you time avoiding lesser podcasts and target you to the greats.
What's The Blog About, Alfie?
We are avid fans of literature, good literature. We prefer great writing, we'll settle for very good work, but we cannot abide anything less. We will stop reading a book if the author demonstrates mediocrity, writes incompetently, or, worse yet, simply loses our interest. That said, we will always give you our honest opinions about the books we've listened to on Podiobooks.com. We'll tell you why the great ones are great, and why the forgettable ones should be avoided.
We hope, when we've reviewed enough, you will come to this blog to see if a particular book is worthy of your time. We plan to be frank. You have come here to elicit our opinion and we shall not disappoint. Additionally, we hope this blog becomes a resource for PB.com authors to read honest and objective reviews of their efforts; no smoke blown-up the butt at any time. We have observed over time that reviews left on an author's site or iTunes are basically of two types. The first is the pie-eyed-hyperbolic-praise version of a review by a real fan. While excellent for the ego of said author, this form of assessment aids neither the potential listener nor the writer's development. The second type is the snarky-hit-and-run-slap-in-the-face negative review which may contain the kernel of an insight, but is actually significantly less valuable than the first type. Ours will be decidedly neither polar extreme. We will be as fair and complete as possible. An unavoidable off-shoot, indeed a desirable off-shoot, the clever reader will quickly appreciate is that we will undoubtably be squewering a few sacred-cows. If that happens, please keep in mind the fable of The Emporer's New Clothes and the fact that we would not review them in a less-than-stellar manner if they did not deserve it.
Our reviews are not placed on PB.com, iTunes, or any other public site. We do not wish to embarrass or ridicule any particular authors. Many of the authors are our friends, or at least were up till they read our review. We dearly appreciate that each PB.com author has poured their creative guts out for all to see with very little chance of monetary reward. This is not easy. We will not generally say anything but positives on public sites as we, in our alter ego, want the authors, even the poor ones, to have their moment in the bright-shiny sun. At the very least we want them to be happy little fish in their little ponds.
Finally a term defined, a dreaded term, one you wish never to see, one which strikes despair in the heart of any author - WSRH. This is short for "We Stopped Reading Here". Background. Our less than sainted father was a college English professor. When grading essays and term papers, especially freshman courses, we observed him many a cruel time to slash across the page with his red pen. Just below the horrific line, he would write, "I stopped reading here... F." Clearly, papa was a professor, not an editor, so he was an I while we are, well, a we. Hence, ISRH transforms into WSRH. However you begin it, it is not a good thing. Avoid writing something which earns WSRH, you will not be happy with yourself.
Your comments on our comments are most welcome. You may be as frank as we are. Contrary opinions, supported by rational argument not finger-wagging, will help the prospective PB.com readers find the books which are right for them. Bottom line: our comments plus your comments, along with author rebuttals, will in the end benefit us all, and help PB.com listeners choose wisely.
Based on the success of this blog, we have started a Forum where you can share your insights and reviews. The more information and discussion, the better informed we will all be.
We hope, when we've reviewed enough, you will come to this blog to see if a particular book is worthy of your time. We plan to be frank. You have come here to elicit our opinion and we shall not disappoint. Additionally, we hope this blog becomes a resource for PB.com authors to read honest and objective reviews of their efforts; no smoke blown-up the butt at any time. We have observed over time that reviews left on an author's site or iTunes are basically of two types. The first is the pie-eyed-hyperbolic-praise version of a review by a real fan. While excellent for the ego of said author, this form of assessment aids neither the potential listener nor the writer's development. The second type is the snarky-hit-and-run-slap-in-the-face negative review which may contain the kernel of an insight, but is actually significantly less valuable than the first type. Ours will be decidedly neither polar extreme. We will be as fair and complete as possible. An unavoidable off-shoot, indeed a desirable off-shoot, the clever reader will quickly appreciate is that we will undoubtably be squewering a few sacred-cows. If that happens, please keep in mind the fable of The Emporer's New Clothes and the fact that we would not review them in a less-than-stellar manner if they did not deserve it.
Our reviews are not placed on PB.com, iTunes, or any other public site. We do not wish to embarrass or ridicule any particular authors. Many of the authors are our friends, or at least were up till they read our review. We dearly appreciate that each PB.com author has poured their creative guts out for all to see with very little chance of monetary reward. This is not easy. We will not generally say anything but positives on public sites as we, in our alter ego, want the authors, even the poor ones, to have their moment in the bright-shiny sun. At the very least we want them to be happy little fish in their little ponds.
Finally a term defined, a dreaded term, one you wish never to see, one which strikes despair in the heart of any author - WSRH. This is short for "We Stopped Reading Here". Background. Our less than sainted father was a college English professor. When grading essays and term papers, especially freshman courses, we observed him many a cruel time to slash across the page with his red pen. Just below the horrific line, he would write, "I stopped reading here... F." Clearly, papa was a professor, not an editor, so he was an I while we are, well, a we. Hence, ISRH transforms into WSRH. However you begin it, it is not a good thing. Avoid writing something which earns WSRH, you will not be happy with yourself.
Your comments on our comments are most welcome. You may be as frank as we are. Contrary opinions, supported by rational argument not finger-wagging, will help the prospective PB.com readers find the books which are right for them. Bottom line: our comments plus your comments, along with author rebuttals, will in the end benefit us all, and help PB.com listeners choose wisely.
Based on the success of this blog, we have started a Forum where you can share your insights and reviews. The more information and discussion, the better informed we will all be.
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