Parsec Time - 2011

We will place here our assessments of some non-Podiobook.com podcasts.  It is Parsec nomination and voting time, and we are ourselves sorting though the chaff, hoping to find wheat, amongst the nominees in various categories.  The hypothesis is that so excellent podcast novels/audiodramas might, for impenetrable reasons, not have posted-up on PB.com.  Here's our discoveries to date:

1.  The Devil in Chains http://www.darkfictionmagazine.co.uk/category/the-devil-in-chains/
       We are a few episodes into this one - not sure yet if it will get a WSRH.  We are leaning toward WSRH, but we shall see.  Demons and ghosts incur upon Britain and an ex-physician and current science-beat reporter checks-it-out.   Okay, not a bad plot-line.  The techincals are pretty good, narration, recording, that type of thing.  The sound effects/music seem a bit heavy-handed, but not ruinously so.  The two aspects which annoy us - which is a bad thing, you all would agree- are the female narration of a male POV story, which is jarring, and the stilted Victorian language employed as often as possible.  There is no reason a male cannot do female lines (Nathan Lowell, the master of all things podcast, is the only reference we need site) and vise versa, but for a purely male POV - eh, not so sure it works, and not so sure why the producer chose to.  Her voice is in the very good-excellent range, however, so kudos to her in any event.  There are many British accented podcasts - duh.  Myke Bartlett's Salmon and Dusk works are top-notch.  It is the prissy-dated lingo we are not so down-with in this case.  Period-piece, steampunk, you defend?  Maybe, but it is challenging our twitchy WSRH red pen to remain in its holster.  Over all, this one's okay.

 

 

2.  Frank - Vol 1: Boiling Point http://neilcolquhoun.com/free-audiobooks/frank
      Neil is new too our ears, and all are welcome to this universe of story-telling compatriots.  We did not make it very far into this story, however.  We hope with time and practice Neil's podcasting will mature into good stuff, but this entry is clearly a neophyte's attempt.  The episodes are ultra short, which is unconventional.  The story, what little we hung-with, was disjointed - jarringly so - and it was certainly violent.  The loud rock music was - loud, and we're not sure it fit.  Mostly the story's unpromising and jarring initiation pushed us off the bandwagon.  Loved the Scottish accent though.

3.  Edict - Zero  http://edictzero.wordpress.com/
    Now this one we like, well, at least at first.  The podcast is a really well executed audiodrama, which  is hard to pull-off.  This team did it very very well.  There are a few "sound gaps", "dead-air" in the radio jargon, but not too many.  Otherwise, great technical work.  The voice actors are pro-quality and the editing is flawless.  We must mention a couple aspects which we did not like so terribly much, to air our thoughts fully.  The concept of "edicts" should have been explained from the get-go.  Half way through the story we now think we have figured it out, but it is unpleasant to be unclear.  The ranting lunatic Socrates rants WAY too much.  We almost WSRH'd the podcast during one of his long long, tiresomely long, rants.  Mind you, if you like long lunatic rants, these are good ones, but we tired of them quickly.  We got it - he's nutz.  The Socrates-actor was transparently going for a Brad-Pitt-12-Monkeys-kin'a thing, which was tiresome.  Also, speaking of monkeys, the lunatic rants used 'monkey' and 'banana' and monkey poop' way way way way way way (take our drift?) too much.  Let us not be either pedestrian or juvenile.  Also, the actor who did Socrates acceptably well - if over the top - did multiple voices.  Most were merely annoying, but his Italian accept was painful.  His roles should be re-cast and edited -out for the most part.  In the end, we were forced to give this one a WSRH.  We simply lost interest 2/3's of the way though.  The attempt do develop a tender love-relationship between the head cop and his wife was schmaltzy to a fault and fit-in awkwardly.  The inter-character banter was often stilted and unrealistic.  Mostly, however, we just lost interest.  We were not offended, put-off, or left with an off-taste in our mouth - we were simply bored.  That said, those less demanding than us will enjoy this well produced podcast, so please fell free to decide for yourself.

4.  Amarna - The Adventures of SR  http://imaginationlane.net/backroads/?cat=3
     Eh.
     No, that's about it - eh.  So, moving on to the next review...  What?  You respectfully request a tad more than "eh" from us?  Are you familiar with the term 'audacious'?  But, we are magnanimous if we are anything (though, to be fair, we might be nothing - we'll get back to you on that), so here goes...
We lasted almost 1 episode.   Rather uninspiring start.  Technically not so good.  Sound effects were WAY too loud over narration.  The "plot", if there was one, was odd.  Mind you, we like odd, but not dull, redo, boring, rip-off odd.  Isis, the goddess, transports a bar-wench to ancient Egypt and she becomes an apprentice necklace maker to kill time while Isis looks for the pieces of her dead SO.  Hummmm.  Harlequin Romance novel - here we come...  But seriously, what turned us off, as in 'off switch' - was Tanja'sMilojevic actually hails fro Great Britain?  In that case, simply don't use people who speak poorly - 'nuff said.  Yes, looking ahead, we saw other's narrated, but, if the soup is inedible, why stay for the main course?  If the chef serves unacceptable appetizers, what do you think the fish course will be like?  Put a $20 on the table and slip out quietly - you got it.  Seriously, if the rest of the podcast is better, if it is listen-to-able, then re-record episode 1.



5. The Byron Chronicles  by Eric Busby http://darkerprojects.com/byronchronicles.php
audiodrama, which always receive a tip of our hat, as they are technically challenging.  The plot is all-powerful immortals battling evil forces, fairly standard fair.  The protagonist - Byron - is pitched as a mysterious hyper-powerful detective (? - correct pigeon hole) who confronts mean-spirited evil-doers.  He's a Doctor Who/Batman amalgam, and as such, is, well, an admixture of stock heroes.  The slightly fresh angle is Byron has this ennui about life, an indifference to action, but always gives-in toward the start and ends up the reluctant Boy Scout.  And, need we need say it, he saves the day.  The production was excellent, voice acting excellent, and editing top-shelf.  So far - so good.  The series started out really quite well.  Interesting if not empathic characters, action, novel twists on plots.  So far - so good.  We finally did tire of TBC, however.  Like so many author spawned ideas, there was a spark, but no carry-through.  It has been said prophetically before, many authors are good at beginning stories but not at completing them.  This was the flavor we received here.  Less and less cohesive story-lines, less and less originality, return time and again to the "oh no he lost his power again" crisis [ um, anyone recall Superman, Q in Star Trek TNG, ET, Star Man, Samson and what's-her-name, etc et al?].  Fizzled-out is what we are trying to convey here.  But there were a few interesting plot arches.  At the end of the day, TBC is better than many, worse than, alas, too few but many, none-the-less.





6.  Quantum Retribution by MJ Cogburn &  C. E. Krawiec
     One cannot judge a book by it's cover - unfortunately in this case.  We were hooked - yes call us immature children at the county fair - by the title.  We simply had to listen with such a sexy, power-laden moniker.  Unfortunately, we did not need listen long, not too long at all.  Dark audiodrama.  Okay, really, we need more dark audiodrama in this world?  Deep sigh.  Okay, We presuppose it is possible we need another dark audiodrama.  Hit the start icon.  Tin-can echo voices, which are over-the-top melodramatic, and, our personal un-favorite, looming violence against an unsuspecting pretty-young woman.  Why is it, and we demand you tell us, that dark audiodramas ( amongst so many other genre) feel a need to only butcher young girls?  Interesting, isn't it.  We mean, where is the audiodrama which starts off with the vampires feasting on Adolf Hitler, and the cannibals roasting Al Capone?  Are not street-people who mumble to themselves while pushing a shopping cart easier human plunder than a promising contributor to the legion of prospective excellent mothers and wives?  Ah, but we digress, again.  We forgot, you torture hot-babes because there is the implied sex you may steal from them as they suffer greatly - male confusion with power vs sex, yeah yeah, we got it.  What were we thinking.  So, back to QR.  After a few tough minutes' listening to echoie bad acting, when we heard the innocent young girl be blithely lead off to apparent slaughter, we tapped the 'stop' icon on the old iPod and saved ourselves gratuitous pain.  Seriously, people, we will only suffer so much to bring you these necessary reviews, so do not pressure us.




7.  We're Alive by Kc Wayland & Shane Salk

    This is standard the-zombies-ate-my-friend material.  We, effete snobs which we are forced to be, are completely bored with, un-entertained by, and exhausted from stock-zombie-genre crap.  We mean, suspension of disbelief, okay, but suspension of cognitive thinking, not okay.  There is an unemptying well of the-zombie-ate-my-friend pouring forth, and we are stunned as to why.  That said, and we are reviewers not critics (they said coyly) so we can divulge this is well enough done the-zombies-ate-my-friend audiodrama.  The OMG-don't back-into-the-dark-room players are, well okay.  The production is very well done.  There are loud boomy sound effects, lots of machine guns, and a high zombie-body-count, so that has to be good, right?  To digress, which you know you love, we heard an interview recently with a member of another the-zombies-ate-my-friend podcast.  He justified the genre in that, sure zombie-zombie-zombie, but, he opined, it was really the inter-personal action, the responses and the relationships between the survivors which drove the story.  Really?  So chomp-chomp-shoot-shoot-run-run is only the palate on which the careful creator paints his words?  It could be space-opera or romance, it's just that brain-slurping is so...  what's the word we're looking for... necessary to tell a good boy-meets-girl tale, that, naturally... well, it's the only real format where it works.  How did Shakespeare and Steinbeck garner such praise when they never employed zombies?  Blind luck, we tell you - beginners luck.
Did we digress, or what?
  Okay, We"re Alive is fine if you like this... type of stuff.  Now, onward and upward....

The Hidden Institute - Best To Leave It In The Shadows

Not a recent review of PB.com material lately, as the pickin's, they be slim.  Did we mention we are Brad Gamblin fans?  No, oh wait, we are getting ahead of ourselves, yet again.  So, to the list of the condemned, we fear we are obliged to add The Hidden Institute by the aforementioned Mr. Gamblin.  We do like him, and the book seemed well written, and the production was top-shelf... we are stalling, are we not?  The problem which caused us to WSRF the podcast was when it dawned on us what the subject promised to be, or rather threatened to be.  We were going to hear the story of how a plucky gutter-snipe went to a secret finishing school so he could score some big bucks serving the ultra-rich.  Hogwarts - for butlers?  Que sound of crickets chirping.  So, we were to learn of how little people learn to be high-society interlopers?  Oh dear, thought we to ourselves, that doesn't sound very promising.  Remember Shakespeare?  The play about the man who made a deal with the Devil, or the one where the couple had relationship problems?  What about that book where the wacky captain chases after that white whale?  Those were great literature and riveting plots.  A Tale of Two Cities was not about Des Moines and Peoria for sound reasons.  So, to be fair, we were not fully fair.  We yawned deeply as the "plot" peeked its head around the door, and gently applied pressure to the off switch of our iPod.

More WSRH's - Pity

Very briefly, a couple of WSRH's which earn the label, unfortunately.  Neither is by any means bad, but equally, neirther is good.

STORM OVER WARLOCK:  This is a reading of an old Andre Norton scifi effort.  The story is just too dated to fly in this day-and-age.  The production is fine, it is just the story itself that will leave you yawning.

Heritage and Empire by Tom R Baynham:  We listened to the first episode and a half.  Nothing interesting happened.  There were characters and some were developed in some detail.  The details sounded uninteresting and the uninteresting aspects of the characters were really expanded upon.  We learned a lot about a protagonist soldier who promised to be uninteresting.  The emerging plot line promised to be uninteresting.  We lost interest - WSRH.

The Little Dragons byRowan Starsmith: We made it through one and a half episodes.  We were on the edges of our seat, riveted, seriously transfixed.  We were, it turns out, waiting for something to happen.  It did not.  Writing is such a perverse medium.  Good writing goes unnoticed, and bland writing sells like warm sweet pancakes.  There was in TLD's the standard wise-old woman, the cheese and bread, the search for old knowledge, healers, dragons, and magic herbs, and Frodo, and a magic ring, and Gandolf the wizard, and this evil spider... wait, no, we're mixing up the tired old stock elements.  We hate to, and wish it were never necessary to, lambaste neophytes for their efforts.  They worked hard, invested a lot of time, and offered-up their product for free.  That said, free is sometimes too much to pay.  The Little Dragons sure as heck sounded like a templated, stock, touchy-feely version of so many other rote stories, that we were amazed anyone still releases them

Shadowmagic II - The Prince of Hazel and Oak - It Cast A Good Spell Over Us

After somewhat of a drought of inspiring audiofiction, we are please to say: "We have a winner!" The The Prince of Hazel and Oak (TPHO) is what can only be dubbed the long-awaited sequel to the marvelous Shadowmagic [still number 9 on PB,com's ALL-Time Download list].  TPHO has all the wonder of the first installment.  We would definitely classify this one as fantasy.  Banshees, fairies, imps, wizards, and sentient trees make-up part of the cast who romp in a land of make-believe.  Good battles evil, boy chases girl, all that type of thing.  Very nice!
  Here is the author's very brief teaser:

           Podiobooks no. 1 voted podcast returns for another action and laugh packed sequel. Finally listeners can find out what happened to Conor on his return to the Real World from Tir na Nog. (He was arrested for his father’s murder.)

Join Conor (and a very confused Scranton cop) as they try to survive The Prince of Duir's chaotic return to The Land.

The Prince of Hazel and Oak is the second novel from real life magician and comedian - John Lenahan. John’s first novel, Shadowmagic, is available in paperback, epub and Kindle editions from HarperCollins UK. For more details go to www.shadowmagic.co.uk 

NARRATION: John is a professional magician and comedian, and his comfort with vocal performance really shines though.  The reading is relaxed, engaging, and character voices vary just enough and are never hammy.  Yeoman's work is ever there were on PB.com.  We will award the full 20 points here.

EDITING/TECHINICAL:  John does all the narration himself and uses, as far as we can tell, no sound effects or incidental music.  Though providing us with a simple product in this regard, there are no errors, mis-speaks, and only rarely can the ear pick-up an edit patch.  In a universe where many authors dazzle us with audio-bling, we have no problem listening to this traditional presentation.  We dole-out 18 point the John is this grouping.

ORIGINALITY OF STORY:  TPHO is a very fresh and very entertaining tale, indeed.  John draws from Arthurian-stock-and-trade in a general sense, and uses many conventional achetypes to construct his universe.  He introduces some novel elements, which is very redeeming.  The magical power of gold, natural-magic (shadow-magic), and trees with diverse personalities are nice additions.  Telling a humorous fantasy is also a different angle, and the author carries this off masterfully.  At the end of the day, he does borrow heavily from established concepts, so though this is not a bad thing, we will only dish-out 16 point to him here.

QUALITY OF WRITING:  The topic at issue in the reviews we concern our self with is writing, first and foremost.  As we have mentioned many times before, the writing prowess of PB.com contributors runs a very considerable gamut, from spell-binding to why-bother.  With this as a prelude, we would rank John's writing abilities to be above average.  We imagine he would not quibble over this assessment.  He discloses at the end of his first book that he wrote the story as a gift to his child.  Hence, it is a bed-time tale for a young listener - it is meant to be read aloud.  TPHO excels in this regard.  As a novel, as literary chops, again, it is above average, but not threatening to knock any of the giants off their perches.  The characters are fairly simply constructed, the story reasonably predictable, and the dialog occasionally weak.  The inspirational speeches before the big battle, for example, are lukewarm rather than riveting.  We offer these examples, as always, not to nit-pick, but to validate our impeccable judgements [ ; ) ].  Because we are so partial to the Shadowmagic series, we will award 15 points.

WOW FACTOR:  John does not go away empty-handed in this category - no way no how.  This is a stunningly entertaining book.  It delivers on all expectations of a quality sequel, and it is an unparalleled fairy tale.  Though you most likely cannot hear it, we are still applauding in the background.  The sparse music is joyful and contributory.  The sass and spirit in John's voice is priceless.  Plus, we cannot sign-off without giving kudos to one of John's greatest strengths.  Recalling the PB.com is a serialized medium, John is the best serialize - period.  Each episode ends just when you hope it doesn't, but never with an abrupt rushing or forced twist.  Marvelous, simply marvelous!  John gets a 20 - 20 - 20, full credit for sure!

EXTRA CREDIT:  The extra credit here is awarded because Shadowmagic is Shadowmagic.  It is among the first, it is among the best, and it is a simple pleasure to listen-to.  TPHO get 5 big ones for being so dare cute and so darn Shadowmagic.

TOTAL:  TPHO racks-up a big 94 overall rating!  It is guilt-free fun and a total kick-in-the-pants.  We cannot imagine any quality listener not loving this one.  There is, in the end, only one thing to say: Get out there and give us Shadowmagic III, Mr. Lenahan!


The link to the podcast is: http://www.podiobooks.com/title/the-prince-of-hazel-and-oak/

John's personal website is: http://www.johnlenahan.com/